


Ars Magna

by SometimesIUpdateThis



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mathematics, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SometimesIUpdateThis/pseuds/SometimesIUpdateThis
Summary: Richard put off his Calculus I course until his senior year and as luck should have it, Jared's the grad student who lectures his 8AM section.  A quiet and unlikely bond forms between the two and Richard finds himself drawn to Jared's sweet nature.





	Ars Magna

**Author's Note:**

> Richard putting his math coursework off until his last year of school is unrealistic but I promise that's a small part of this story. I do apologize for the inaccuracy though!

            Senior year, it was finally here.  Richard couldn’t believe through all the deadlines, unnecessary gen eds, and final exams, graduation loomed over his head a mere two semesters away.  High school graduation couldn’t have happened sooner enough but his upcoming university graduation seemed almost somber and bittersweet in comparison.  He didn’t love academia but he flourished more at his college than he ever did in his hometown high school.  He had a good group of friends, he enjoyed his major, and he was brimming with ideas to tackle post-graduation.  While some of his friends opted for the grad school route, he was looking forward to pursuing a career in computer science and maybe developing something in his free time.  Maybe he’d be at the helm of his own company one day.  Those dreams were what he held onto when it got tough, when he wanted to quit and hope for the best.  As he sat in an 8AM Calculus I class full of mostly wide-eyed freshmen and bored sophomores, now seemed a good time as ever to remember why he was doing all this.

            Richard didn’t hate math, he was quite good at it but what he loathed more were the students new to campus.  Full of themselves now since they were no longer in high school but not self-aware enough yet to realize they annoyed everyone around them.  He knew he should be more sympathetic, he was one of them once after all, but when he had to get up at 6:45 every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he was allowed to seethe at whoever he was stuck in the room with.

            First day of lecture, he came prepared ready to roll his eyes at the elderly tenured professor delivering the standard half-hearted syllabus spiel parlaying into feeble attempts at humor and assuaging peoples’ fear of math.  What he didn’t expect was the student who just walked in ten minutes after everyone else already settled in to go to the front and start writing homework information on the board.

            “Good morning everyone and welcome to Calculus I.  I’m your instructor, Jared Dunn.”

            He was… young.  He couldn’t have been more than four years older than himself.  That took Richard by surprise.  He was used to seeing comp sci professors in their 30s and 40s but this guy looked like he could be Richard’s age.  He heard a chuckle from the front of the classroom.

            “I see some very confused faces.  No, I’m not a professor, I have to have a graduate degree to call myself that but I’m working on it.  I’m a graduate student in mathematics currently working on my PhD.  I specialize in number theory and dabble in historical mathematics in my limited free time.  While I am considered a TA by the university, I’m your sole instructor for this course.  But please, call me Jared.  But I suppose you could refer to me as Professor Dunn inside the classroom if you’re vying for a few bonus points.”

             Richard’s lips quirked up and he eased into his seat.  This guy didn’t seem so bad, definitely different from what he expected.

             “So!  Rather than do the usual ice breakers, I’m going to try something different to get a feel for your backgrounds.  Show of hands, who’s a math major or planning on being one?”

             A flurry of hands rose up, Richard looked around, approximately a third of the class.

             “Alright… Engineering majors?”

             Roughly another third of the class.

             “Wow, okay.  Physics?”

             Maybe about 10 people raised their hands.

             “Biology?  Chemistry?  Computer science?”

             Richard raised his hand and a few others did as well.

             “Alright… is everyone else here because a math credit is required for graduation?”

             The few remaining people nodded their heads in displeasure.

             Another quiet chuckle and a warm smile.  “That’s alright.  We have quite the diversity in our classroom and I look forward to working with you all.  From one student to another:  get to know your neighbors.  The people seated around you are your best resources after me.”

             Richard smiled to himself; he wished somebody told him that sooner in his college career.  Another reason he was envious of the freshmen around him:  they got a professor who knew what it was like to be one of them and actually had good advice to give.  Jared wasted no time diving into new material either.  38 minutes later and Jared already assigned a problem set to be due by the beginning of next class.

             “Slip it under my office door if you can’t make it to lecture but please do drop by my office hours to discuss any issues.  My door is always open to you for whatever reason.  Whether you’d like to discuss math, a grade I gave you or a medical issue comes up, please contact me or come see me.  I’m here to help you.”

             Richard couldn’t remember the last time any of his instructors said that and truly meant it.  Something about Jared’s demeanor, he could tell he was genuine and kind-hearted.  A part of him hoped no one in his class took advantage of that.  A part of him wondered why he was concerned about that.

 

-*-

 

            Two weeks into the semester and the assignments were piling up on him again.  Richard could say with confidence he wasn’t going to miss the constant stress and anxiety of deadlines.  Other than working on his thesis, his calculus class was the highlight of his week.  Jared’s voice was perfect sleep fodder, soft and soothing, but the content of his lectures kept Richard alert and attentive.  Jared always managed to pepper in little details of historical context, trying to make sure his students not only understood the math but how and why it came to be.  Richard appreciated the insight, it was a backdoor look few professors ever let him glimpse.  He genuinely enjoyed when Jared would get carried away and start speaking about concepts beyond the scope of their class.

             “Ah, but that’s for a later course.  My apologies, I keep teasing you all with these tiny kernels of math knowledge!  Anyways, back to limits.”

             Richard always wanted to know more.  He could tell Jared genuinely enjoyed what he taught and while he hated waking up rather early, he was thankful he had an instructor who clearly cared about their students.  Even though there were about 80 other people in the class with him, he sensed Jared wouldn’t mind getting to know every single one of them.

 

-*-

 

            Four weeks into the semester now and Richard could tell it was taking a toll on everyone around him.  The freshmen were finally starting to crack under the pressure of the self-discipline required to keep up with assignments.  Even Jared seemed more tired than normal, the bags under his eyes were pronounced enough Richard could see them from where he sat smack dab in the middle of the second row.  To the untrained eye, his lectures seemed unaffected.  He still spoke clearly and concisely and made sure to regularly ask if anyone had any questions but there were more arithmetic errors.

             Jared was writing on the board, explaining how to take the derivative of some trig function or another and all Richard could focus on was the negative sign he dropped early on.  Jared turned around like he routinely did to make sure everyone was following along and his eyes landed on the one student giving him an unsure look.  If he were a less polite person he would’ve described it as an angry scrunched up badger face.

             “Yes, is everything okay…”

             Richard realized Jared was staring right at him and many of the other students were starting to look at him too.  It was nerve wracking to be the center of attention no matter how momentary.  He cleared his throat, “Richard.  It’s… I’m Richard.  And um, you uh… you dropped the negative sign on the second line.”

             Jared turned around and raised his eyebrows, quickly squiggling in a straight line everywhere he missed one.  He turned around and smiled.  “Indeed I did.  Thank you, Richard.  It’s as my professors always told me, it’s never the calculus that gets you, always the algebra.”

             He pursed his lips, trying to hide his own smile and curtly nodded his head in acknowledgement.  Something stirred in him.  Jared looked directly at _him_ , talked to _him_ , and shot a smile meant for him and only _him_.  Richard didn’t fancy himself a teacher’s pet but if this was what it normally felt like, he could understand why people vied for the title.

 

-*-

 

            A few days later their first exam awaited them.  Everyone else around him was more or less panicked but he felt calm.  They solicited him to head their study groups but Richard could only do so much the few days leading up to the exam.  By this point, you either knew it or you didn’t and it came down to whatever questions were on the test.

             Instead, Richard was taken by a tangent Jared careened off on the other day.

             “Newton is often credited with the invention of calculus but here’s the thing:  he wasn’t the only one working on it.  Around the same time, a German mathematician named Leibniz was working on concepts related to Calculus as well.  Newton is associated with differential calculus, the ideas we study in this course, and Leibniz is associated with integral calculus, ideas that come up in Calc II.  It’s a misnomer to solely credit Newton.  The Greeks explored central ideas of Calculus without ever knowing what they were looking at, large swaths of Newton’s work were based on Descartes’, even most of our notation comes from Leibniz rather than Newton himself simply because Newton’s was cumbersome.”

             Jared stood up straighter and exhaled softly.

             “I apologize, I lost my composure there for a second.  Newton was a phenomenal mathematician and physicist but his behavior was reprehensible at times.  He gets all the glory for all this work he didn’t do.  Mathematicians know about the rivalry but the public at large doesn’t.  It just always seemed indecent to me that Newton got the entire mathematical community at the time behind him and they ostracized another man for dare attempting what he did.”

             Jared shook his head and he regained his naturally cheerful disposition.

             “Anyways, just a little something for you all to ponder on before your next class.  Remember, the test will cover the first two chapters with heavy emphasis on limits and how to formally take derivatives.  Get plenty of sleep, eat a hearty breakfast and do your best.  Good luck!”

             Everyone began shuffling their notebooks and laptops into their bags, grumbling about how they were fucked for this exam.  Richard slovenly did the same, still pondering over the Newton/Leibniz debate.  Something about it struck a chord in him. He wanted to know more, he wanted Jared to tell him more but he was surrounded by a bevy of students asking last minute panicked exam questions.

              _Later…_ He thought to himself. _Maybe I’ll swing by his office hours and see if he’s around, he seems like he’d love talking about this stuff uninterrupted if he could._

-*-

 

            Richard breathed in deep.  He stood around the corner from Jared’s office and it was nerve-wracking.  Sitting in an auditorium style lecture hall with around 80 other people while they occasionally made eye contact was one thing, but being in Jared’s office one on one was intimidating.  He seemed approachable and friendly so why on Earth was this freaking Richard out so much?

             He stilled himself and walked around the corner.  He momentarily stopped in the doorway, admiring the way the sunlight filtered in through the narrow window, bathing Jared in a faint glow as he graded papers.  Richard shook his head to clear his thoughts, that couldn’t be what he was thinking right now.  With a timid knock on the door, he finally had Jared’s attention.

             “Ah!  Richard, correct?”

            Richard sheepishly nodded yes.

             “Come in, come in.  Please, sit down.”  Jared motioned for him to take a seat across from his desk.

             Richard shuffled in, setting his bag down and slinking into the proffered chair.  “Thank you, Profes—Jared.”

             Jared with his ever present kindhearted smile could wear down the most austere of people.  “It’s okay, happens all the time.  What can I help you with?”

             He nervously drummed his fingers along his knee, shifting in his seat.  “You um, the other day in class, we were talking about Newton and the other guy who helped discover Calculus and it was just really interesting, I guess.  I think it’s cool how you always talk about the people who discovered these things.  Makes it a lot less daunting, reminds me math was created by a bunch of guys no different than us.”

             Jared downright beamed at him.  “Well thank you, Richard, I appreciate hearing that.  Sometimes I worry I waste class time on trivial matters when I go off on tangents.  It’s nice to hear it’s helped you take an interest in mathematics.”

             Richard couldn’t help the smile forming on his face.  “Yeah, you’re welcome.  I always really liked the stuff but never thought about the people behind it.”

             Jared nodded in understanding.  “My interest in historical mathematics came after.  Like most people I was required to take math class after math class, only ever discussing methodology and results but never how or why it came to be.  Luckily, I had professors who were willing to engage me and quell my questions in their office hours.  All throughout my undergrad I always carried some book or another related to history of math in my backpack next to my notes and finished homework assignments.  My favorites were always about the mathematicians themselves.”

             Richard felt the urge to ask the question why he didn’t pursue history of mathematics as his research interest but he was sure the question was too intimate to ask someone he _just_ initiated a proper conversation with.  “That’s really cool.  Do you teach any math history courses?”

             Jared shook his head.  “I want to but TAs can only teach the lower level math courses. Very few teach beyond Calculus I.”

             Richard felt a pang of fear Jared wouldn’t be his instructor for the next course in the sequence.  He couldn’t help but let out a disappointed “oh.”

             Having misread Richard’s disappointment, Jared softened his voice.  “Oh, it’s no problem though, I love teaching Calculus I the most and, honestly, it takes the pressure off having to worry about balancing teaching intensive mathematics courses with my dissertation.”

             “Heh, yeah, I can imagine.  You said you study number theory, right?  Is that like why the number seven is the number seven?”

             Jared chuckled, his smile inhabiting every facet of his features.  “Something like that.”

             He hadn’t gone in with the intention of making Jared laugh but now that he had, he couldn’t have been more proud of himself.  He wanted to make it happen more often.  “Well, um, anyways, I should get back to studying for the test.  I just wanted to drop in and uh, say thank you, I guess.  You make the class more enjoyable, Jared.”  He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, certain his ears were turning red.

             “Well you’re most welcome, Richard.  You’re welcome to stop in anytime.  It was a pleasure.”

             Richard picked up his bag and left feeling like he was walking on air.  Jared watched him depart and his eyes lingered on the space where Richard was not a moment prior.  He smiled to himself and resumed grading thinking he wouldn’t mind if Richard stopped by more often.

 

-*-

 

            The class thinned out immensely a few days after the exam.  It went from 80 people down to maybe 50 or so.  Jared didn’t think he wrote a particularly difficult exam and he tried his hardest not to take it personally even though his retention rate _was_ partially a reflection on his teaching abilities.  Statistically speaking, the larger the class, the more people were bound to drop it and for a variety of reasons.  It made him feel better Richard seemed to fly through it and do remarkably well, only getting points off here and there for minimal arithmetic errors.  He whispered a ‘good job’ under his breath as he handed Richard his exam back.  He was sure the shy smile he caught out of the corner of his eye was a smile of relief and nothing more.

             After passing out everyone’s graded exams, Jared stood at the front of the lecture hall in a bid to ease everyone’s minds.  “I know that was a challenging test at times.  Calculus I is a beast of its own, it’s the first time you’re seeing material like this and it’s bound to be difficult.  I know many of you struggled with the limit definition of a derivative and I’ll tell you something that might make you happier:  the next chapter focuses solely on shortcuts and tips and tricks to make your life easier.  The limit definition is the formal behind the scenes look but as you noticed, it’s tedious, long, exhaustive, and not always obvious how to get to the answer you desire.  I think from here, you all will fare better.  So don’t worry if your grade wasn’t what you were hoping for.  There will be ample time to make up for that.”

             Richard wasn’t worried in the slightest but Jared’s gentle voice and his reassurances soothed his mind anyways.  While he wished more of his professors emulated Jared’s gentle nature, his thoughts lately started to wonder what having Jared in his life beyond an instructor would be like.  He could only imagine how kind and supportive he was to his friends and how loving and devoted he would be to his significant other.  An uneasy feeling pooled in his stomach, he didn’t want to think of someone else lighting up Jared’s life.

 

-*-

 

            The second time Richard visited Jared’s cramped grad student office, he came prepared with conversation topics partially motivated by self-interest but mostly in an attempt to gain more personal interaction with someone who made early mornings tolerable.  Instead of knocking on Jared’s door to get his attention, he stuck his head in and quietly called out, “Uh, Jared…?”

             Jared looked up, “Ah, Richard, yes, come in!  Sit down!  What can I do for you today?”

             “Um, not much.  Just wanted to talk some more math with you again.  You’ve really got me thinking about this stuff.”

             “Well, happy to hear I’m doing my job well!”

             Richard smiled and scooted forward in his seat.  “When we started talking about calculus word problems, you said math symbols were only a recent invention.”

             “Correct.  Calculus itself came to be around in the late 1660s and Newton and Leibniz had to create their own notation for their new field of mathematics.  The fascinating thing is they came in around a time when math was transitioning from being all words to introducing symbols as shorthand.  The plus sign as we know it came to be in the late 1300s and that’s our oldest known math symbol.  In the grand scheme of things that’s not a long time.”

             Richard nodded along fervently in genuine interest, his eyes wide.  “I never thought about that before.”

             “Few people do.  We complain mathematics is difficult, which it can be complex at times, but take a look at math problems from the 1200s.  Math was for the elite and the literate.  Math illiteracy isn’t a new problem.  I always tell people if they struggle with word problems they’re in thousands of years of good company.  If we picked up a math textbook from the mid-1800s, it would be virtually indistinguishable from our own notation wise.  Even today, there are mathematicians coming out with new notation as we speak.  There are always new things entering our lexicon, mathematical concepts are rigid but the language surrounding it is fluid, ever-changing.”

             Jared’s eyes twinkled as he spoke, completely enraptured with how mathematics transformed over the centuries, all the subtleties and nuances required to make it look how it does today.  Once he finally looked back at Richard he noticed the enamored look he bore.  Fondness spilling out and pulling him in.  He wasn’t sure when it happened but he was acutely aware of Richard’s legs comfortably stretched out between his own under the desk, their knees nuzzled together.  Anyone else would’ve pulled away at this point, nipped it in the bud, but the warmth emanating from Richard’s body and from Richard’s emotions curled around him, enticing him.  All the other grad students weren’t impressed by his prowess or his research interests and this validation was intoxicating.  Someone was finally interested in what he had to say and wanted to hear more and the happiness it instilled in him was something he wasn’t keen on letting go anytime soon.

            “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about today?”

             Richard bit his tongue.  He wanted to talk to him about how his day was going over a nice dinner.  He wanted to stay up late at night coding in his bed with Jared curled up beside him.  He wanted to know what Jared looked like in the mornings when he first woke up.  The feelings he brushed under the rug for the past couple of months were hard to ignore now.  They were full blown romantic feelings, he knew he wanted more than friendship and it ached.  He collected himself, slowly pulling his legs back as he prepared to leave, enjoying the brief contact.

            “No, I don’t want to take up too much of your day.”

             “It’s not a problem at all, you know you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want.”

             Richard nodded curtly and turned to leave, lingering in the doorway for a second.  “Jared…”

             Jared perked up, “Yes, Richard?”

             “I really like these talks.”

             “As do I, Richard.”

 

-*-

 

            The semester was more than halfway over and Richard would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to Thanksgiving break.  It meant finals and graduation were closer than ever before but so was good food and some time off from school.  In addition, it meant cooler weather; no more sticky summer heat.  He genuinely enjoyed the walk from his car to his classroom in the mornings now.  The crisp autumn air felt pleasant and the settling fog against a backdrop of vibrant yellow, sharp orange, and deep red trees was breathtaking.

            In a rather good mood this particular morning, he woke up early and had time to swing by the local coffee shop.  He bought a latte for Jared and left it by the podium with a note, “It’s too early and cold.  – R”

            As the class sleepily shuffled in and Jared prepared himself for the day’s lecture, he took the warm cup in his hands and looked up at Richard in the second row.  He smiled and subtly raised it in acknowledgement, a toast between friends.  Richard crinkled his eyes in response and ducked his head back down, trying his best to stave off the flush blooming across his cheeks.  It was more commonplace for him now to stop by Jared’s office at least once a week and walk with him across campus after class every once in a while.  The friendship burgeoning between them was mutual.  Richard would bring up something intriguing Jared mentioned in class and Jared began asking him about his own undergraduate thesis and his plans post-graduation.

             Cooler weather also meant trading his summer wardrobe in favor of his winter clothes.  For Richard that meant thicker hoodies but Jared’s dress choices distracted him immensely from time to time.  He always looked well put together but his winter clothing choices were impeccable.  Black gloves, fitted peacoats, and warm scarves draped across his shoulders.  Even though Jared was bundled under layers of clothing, everything was form-fitted and tight and Richard routinely pondered what it would be like to be there at night to help him take it all off.  He gave up on trying to fight off the thoughts, only letting them bubble up to ignore them.

             Granted, it was difficult to ward them off when little things seemingly implored him to carry on.  Richard noticed how closely they walked, constantly bumping into each other’s sides, fingers brushing every so often.  One night, Richard stayed later than he anticipated in Jared’s office.

             “Oh!  I needed to leave 15 minutes ago for a previous engagement.”

             “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you.”

             “It wasn’t anything too important.  If you want to walk me to my car, we can finish our conversation?”

             “Sure.”  Richard smiled and grabbed his belongings.  It was chilly out and his light jacket wasn’t cutting it but damn if he wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to spend a few more minutes with Jared.

             “Anyways, as I was saying.  People have this misconception about mathematicians, especially mathematicians of yore.  Möbius is the best example of this.  When the Prussian army came knocking on his door to draft him while he was in the midst of writing his doctoral thesis, he wrote back, ‘this is the most horrible idea I have heard of, and anyone who shall venture, dare, hazard, make bold and have the audacity to propose it will not be safe from my dagger.’”

             Richard balked, consumed with laughter.  “Wait, really?!”

             Jared nodded excitedly, “Yes, exactly.  Countless mathematicians so wholeheartedly believed in their work that they’d rather risk death than give up what they were working on.  I almost admire that.  Almost.  Many influential mathematicians died too young for various reasons but their legacy is downright marvelous.  Abel, Galois, Ramanujan, the list is exhaustive.  I only hope to make such an impact but without the distinction of dying too young.”

             Shivering slightly, Richard snorted.  “Jared, trust me, you’re gonna go places and for a long time.”

             Somehow amongst their walking to the parking lot, they stopped in the middle of the open courtyard.  It was hard to tell if the sun already set with all the thick grey clouds hanging above them.  Jared turned to thank Richard for his continued words of kindness and he realized Richard was trembling.  “Oh, Richard, I’m so sorry, all my rambling and I didn’t even realize now I was the one keeping you.  Here.”

             Jared’s gloved fingers deftly removed his scarf from around his neck and gently draped it around Richard’s shoulders, elegantly knotting it above Richard’s chest at the base of his neck.  They were close, Jared’s breath fogging up and dissipating against Richard’s face.  His hands were still holding onto the frayed edges of his own scarf and he tugged Richard even closer still.  He felt cold hands wrap around the material of his gloves and their eyes locked; neither of them said a word.  Snow began to fall, delicate flakes landing on the soft tufts of Richard’s curls, some landing on Jared’s long lashes, others coating the folds of his scarf.  Jared thought Richard couldn’t be more beautiful; he was never this happy to be wrong.

             In the silence stretching out between them, Richard hesitated for a moment until his hands instinctively cupped Jared’s face, pulling him in.  Warm soft lips met his own and it was the briefest, most serene of kisses.  The two of them pulled flush against each other for warmth, snow blanketing the earth around them quietly.

             Richard’s eyes were still closed, “I know I shouldn’t have do—”

             Jared shushed him with another kiss, “not yet.  Please?  What’s done is done.”

             Richard let out a slow, withering sigh, the fog curling up around Jared’s features as they kissed feverishly.  His thumbs traced the stubble forming along Jared’s jaw while Jared’s hands finally released their clutch on his scarf, settling instead on Richard’s waist.  The kiss was languid and exploratory, more certain than before.  Richard poured all his desire into it and felt just as much fervor on Jared’s end.  No longer a quick peck of lips, Jared’s tongue met his own, firm yet sweet.  He angled his head to further deepen their kiss, his hands tugging at the hair resting at the nape of Jared’s neck.  Every time they broke apart for air, they were kissing again not a few moments later, each time more heated than the last.

             They finally stopped after a few more frenzied pecks.  Richard trailed after for a second, his lips swollen and parted and his cheeks just as red, partially from the cold.  Richard thought this would never happen; he was never this happy to be wrong.

             They stood in silence again, this time it was less tense somehow.  The tension instead replaced with uncertainty about where they went from here.  Jared only reiterated, “What’s done is done.”

             Richard nodded, “I suppose I should let you go now.  Do you, um, do you want your scarf back?”

             Jared perked up, shyly smiling, “Keep it for now.  It suits you.”

             Richard pulled it tighter around himself, “Thanks.  I’ll see you later.”  He raised his hand in a half wave, Jared nodding and leaving moments later.  Richard watched him retreat, clutching onto the deep navy fabric which smelled uniquely of Jared, his warmth embracing him.  He knew they would have to discuss this interaction later but right now he was standing in the green courtyard slowly being buried in white with Jared’s scarf around his neck after making out with him for a solid ten minutes.  Right now, he was happy to bask in the afterglow.  The consequences could wait.

 

-*-

            First thing Monday morning Richard was at Jared’s office door.  It was early, no one was around, including Jared, and Richard’s frantic pacing back and forth echoed down the hallway.  He spent the weekend thinking on the kiss.  It was remarkable and what he wanted and he couldn’t believe it happened, but the more he dwelled on it, the more acutely aware Richard became of everything that could go wrong now.  What if someone from their class saw them?  What if it got back to Jared’s PhD committee and he lost his funding?  He tried to remind himself university rules were less stringent to assuage his fears but waiting to talk to Jared was nerve-racking.

             After Richard sank down beside Jared’s door, his knees pulled up to his chest and his head softly thudding against the wall behind him, Jared appeared looking as handsome as ever.  He knew he shouldn’t have those thoughts still but Jared practically proclaimed his own feelings as well.  Richard waved half-heartedly from the floor while Jared fumbled with his keys, balancing his coffee amongst his thick stack of graded papers.

             “Good morning, Richard.”  How could Jared still be so chipper?

             “Um, h-hi.  Do you need help?”  As soon as the sentence ended, the door creaked open.

             “No, but please do go on in.”

             Richard sat down but jumped slightly in his seat when he heard Jared close the door behind himself.  In all their talks and visits they never sat in his office with the door closed.  This was serious.

             “Look, Jared, I wanted to apologize.  What happened last week was not cool and I never should’ve... you know…”

             “Richard, please.  You have nothing to apologize for.  Realistically, I was the one who initiated things and for that, I should be the one asking for forgiveness.  It was deeply unprofessional of me and I promise to never encroach on your personal space like that again.  It’s too late in the semester for you to switch to another professor’s class but if you would like to withdraw, I understand and I’ll make sure you won’t be penalized for it.”

             “Jared, no, no.  I don’t want to switch classes or retake it or whatever, I want to stay in your class but, I, uh…”  He inhaled sharply, playing with the hem of his hoodie.  “I liked it.  And I like you.  I’m sorry I did it if it jeopardizes your job and your scholarships but I don’t regret the feelings.  You know so much, you’re really nice, you make me feel nice, and I could keep going on and I’m sorry I’m rambling but I’m really nervous right now.  I can’t get out of your class since it’s required for my major but I wouldn’t want to anyways.  You’re a really great guy, Jared, and I’m glad I met you.”

             Richard sat back in his seat, eyes downcast, too afraid to look up and see how his diatribe was received.

             “Richard…”  Jared’s voice was soft but he couldn’t read his tone, positive or negative.

             Silence.  It sat heavy between them, Richard’s words hung above them.

             Jared was partially stunned, never thinking anyone would regard him so highly and debated returning the favor.  The feelings were more than mutual.  “Alright.  There’s some good news then.  If that’s truly what you want, you’re more than welcome to stay in the class as long as I don’t show any favoritism towards you.  I spent the weekend looking through the university handbook and while it isn’t illegal for us to act on our feelings, it would be unethical and I want to remain as impartial as possible.”

             Richard nodded in understanding, his eyes widened at Jared uttering ‘us.’

             “It’s not uncommon for professors to form intimate relationships with their students.  I’ve seen classmates of mine go out drinking with their professors, babysit their professors’ children, and even spend time at their homes while traveling for research conferences.  None of this is unusual, only with the caveat I don’t treat you any different and nothing physical happens between us until I’m no longer considered your instructor.  We can still have our chats, I can still be your professor, nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.”

             “I don’t want it to.”  No wonder Jared was so calm and collected about this whole thing.  He had to admit, it was going to be difficult to keep his feelings at bay but it was for the good of his grades and Jared’s reputation.

             Jared smiled at him and Richard swore his smile was softer too now, more fond.  “Alright then.  Unless there’s anything else weighing on your mind, I’d like to prepare for lecture today.”

             “No, um, that was it.  Thanks, Jared.  I’m glad this isn’t gonna like destroy you or whatever.”

             “Of course.  It was kind of you to think of me though.”

             Richard nodded at him in acknowledgment, gently closing the door behind himself.  He walked down the hallway feeling a mixture of odd relief, optimism, and vulnerability.

 

-*-

 

            It was a few days before Thanksgiving, roughly two weeks since the incident took place.  Even after their talk set Richard’s mind at ease, it took a little bit before his nerves over the whole ordeal subsided.  Knowing Jared felt the same way, he felt shier, more apprehensive around him.  Every look and every quiet conversation made his stomach pool with longing and his heart flutter.  Jared’s scarf was tucked away in his closet and he allowed himself to wear it from time to time off campus.  Richard was certain the extra warmth came from knowing who it belonged to.  Every time he wrapped it around his neck, he imagined it was Jared’s arms encircling him, holding him.  He inhaled deeply each time and the subtle scent of Jared was all too soon being taken over with the smell of Richard’s own aftershave.  A break from schoolwork and promise of food did little to soothe not seeing Jared for nearly a week.

             The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Richard walked Jared from his office to the parking lot.

             “You excited for a little break?”

             “It isn’t much of one for me.  I’ve got some light grading to do followed by a full plate of dissertation editing.  And you?”

             “I know the feeling.  I’m staying here and studying up for finals mostly but I’ll take a few extra naps here and there.”

             Jared stopped walking, his eyebrows knit together in concern.  “You’re not going home to spend time with your family?”

             Richard shook his head.  “They’re in Oklahoma.  The travel time almost isn’t worth it.  I promised to spend five extra days with them over the winter holidays to make up for it.  It’s fine though, all my roommates are going away so I’ve got the apartment to myself.  I’m kind of looking forward to it honestly.”

             Jared stood there for a moment pondering his next move very carefully.  “Would you… maybe… like to have some company?”

             Richard looked on.  “What do you mean?”

             “I usually cook for my friends and I almost always have too many leftovers.  Muriel says she’d rather I keep the leftovers because I need to ‘fatten up.’  It’s usually just me and I can’t always finish them.  It’d be a shame to let all that good food go to waste…  Maybe you could help me finish them off?”

             Richard smiled slyly, “Well, if you’re absolutely insisting, that sounds like a better plan than cold pizza and stale soda with a side of Cheetos dust.  I’ll bring over my world famous store-bought Oreos.”

             Jared grinned, “It’s a deal.”

 

-*-

 

            Richard thought over all the times he found himself standing at all the different doors Jared was on the other side of.  The door to his office, the door to their lecture auditorium, the door to Jared’s car, and now he was standing in front of the door to Jared’s home.  Each time any of those doors opened he glimpsed a new side of Jared.  Office Jared was kind and measured, spoke to him of his interests.  Lecture Jared was an ever-positive professor, engaging and encouraging of his students.  Car Jared was serene and ready to go home but still keen on hearing Richard’s take on things.  Each door was a new facet and Richard was curious to see what Home Jared was like.  He daydreamed of this side of Jared often.  He envisioned Jared’s apartment filled with light, clean but cozy.  Math textbooks and history books lining his bookshelves and maybe a few tasteful photo books perched on a glass coffee table in the middle of his living room.  He could see Jared spending Saturday mornings in a reading nook with a warm mug full of tea in one hand and a tattered and well-loved book in the other.  Richard could see himself furiously coding away curled up with his head in Jared’s lap, and in place of tea, Jared’s hand stroking his hair soothingly.  He knew when the door swung up open and Jared invited him inside, that wouldn’t be today’s reality, but, he could keep dreaming.

             A hesitant knock before it was too late to turn back.  The first thing Richard noticed about Home Jared when the door opened:  his style of dress wasn’t too different from Lecture Jared.  A long-sleeved polo took the place of a fitted button down, but otherwise his hair was still just as well-coiffed and his pants were just as crisply pleated.

             “Welcome!  I see you weren’t joking about the Oreos.”  Jared motioned for him to come in.

             Richard laughed, the nerves dissipating slowly.  “I felt bad coming to your place empty handed so I figured I should follow through.”

             “Nonsense, it’s my pleasure.  Regardless, I appreciate the gesture.  Thank you.”  Jared disappeared into the kitchen with the cookies, presumably to put them away.  Richard took the time to drink in his surroundings.  It wasn’t entirely unlike how he imagined.  The actual apartment was smaller and resembled Jared’s office which should’ve been no surprise.  Bookshelves did line his living room and they were full of textbooks and non-textbooks alike.  A small desk sat in the corner with a stack of mathematical textbooks with complicated sounding and niche titles, each one full of brightly colored tabs marking pages with notes sticking out of them.  Jared’s current research books.

             Jared stood next to him.  “I’d give you a tour but there isn’t much to see.  Graduate student stipends only cover so much.”

             Richard smiled, “Well, look at it this way, I pay the university but at least the _university_ pays _you_.”

             “Fair point.”  Jared grinned and nudged his shoulder softly.  “May I?”  He motioned at Richard’s coat.

             “Oh uh, sure.  Thank you.”  Jared pulled the thick material off him, his fingers lightly grazing Richard’s arms.  Richard in his home was fine, the math department threw potlucks at the end of every semester at different faculty members’ homes but this was a dangerous game they were playing, he knew they needed to be on their best behaviors.  They were almost in the clear.

             “Please, make yourself at home.”

             It didn’t take long for Richard to feel at ease.  The apartment was cozy and inviting and being surrounded by Jared’s belongings made him hazy with comfort.  Dinner was no different than their office talks, just as comfortable and full of laughter but now they were surrounded by a more sincere atmosphere full of good homemade food and an air of intimacy he didn’t have to share with anyone else, a side of Jared he could keep all to his own.

             If the wayward knocking of knees under the dinner table was wrong then he didn’t want to think about the repercussions of Richard pressed into his side as they washed the plates post-dinner.  Jared, always resourceful and thinking ahead, would blame his cramped and insufficiently sized kitchen if they were caught.  And if he needed to explain away Richard accidentally falling asleep on his couch with his head tucked into the crux of Jared’s neck then Jared would blame the icy road conditions outside and the snow accumulating on his windowsill.  It would be irresponsible of him to send Richard home under those driving conditions and that’s why he spent the night and that’s why Jared made him breakfast the next morning.

             In reality, it was a mixture of talking late into the night over a warm cup of hot chocolate and Jared taking in the sight of Richard soundly asleep after fighting off sleep for a good 47 minutes.  Jared wasn’t much of a rule breaker; he knew they were crossing many emotional lines and he told himself one more broken rule wouldn’t make a difference.  He ran his fingers through Richard’s curls, softly pushing the fringe aside.  Jared caressed Richard’s cheek with the back of his hand, his thumb gently tracing along his lips.  If he needed an excuse to explain that away, he couldn’t think of one and he was okay telling the truth:  he had fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with Richard Hendricks.

 

-*-

 

            Neither of them discussed that night but they understood its significance.  It went unspoken between them but the weight of it pressed upon both of them.  Richard was giddy and elated and partially torn he couldn’t act on his feelings yet for a week more.  All he needed to do was get through finals and he could have more nights like that.  Jared found it difficult not to let his gaze linger on Richard for too long during lecture or accidentally imbue too much affection into his congratulatory pats when handing back graded assignments.

             The last lecture of the semester before his students returned to show their mastery of their knowledge found Jared somber and sentimental.  He always got like this and he knew it would only become more difficult when he received his PhD and became a full-fledged professor.  It was hard not to get attached and feel the joy of a student’s eureka moment, those few seconds were what he thrived on.

             “Some parting words before you all shuffle off today.  I just wanted to thank you all for taking a chance on me and this class.  I know an early morning mathematics class isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but you all have done me proud with your work ethic and commitment.  I’ve never believed math is all natural aptitude.  In the words of the late, great Richard Feynman, ‘I don’t know anything, but I do know that everything is interesting if you go into it deeply enough.’  If you ever find yourself in a mathematical bind in the future, you all know where to find me.”

             He locked eyes with Richard.

             “It has been my pleasure getting to know you all this semester, you have been wonderful company and I look forward to seeing you in the future.”

             He looked away, smiling over the 30 or so remaining students sitting in front of him eager to leave.  “Good luck, I’ve imparted all the wisdom I can on you and there’s nothing on the final you won’t have learned already.  Believe in yourselves as much as I do.”

             With that, the final exam was the last thing separating him and Jared from being together.

 

-*-

 

            Richard hated waiting.  All his professors submitted their grades for the semester already and the last one he was waiting on felt like the most important for all the wrong reasons.  He swore Jared was doing this on purpose but he knew Jared was too kind natured to ever do anything like this with any sort of malicious intent.  Richard kept on reminding himself Jared was a student too, he had deadlines of his own to attend to.  He knew he was going to receive an A in the class but that wasn’t what he cared about at all.

             Sitting in the empty library, he kept hitting refresh on the website, willing the last missing grade to appear.  After another 13 minutes of refreshing and anxiously browsing other websites to distract himself, the grade finally appeared.

             A-

             In any other instance he would’ve been miffed at the small hit his GPA was going to take but in this case he grinned at his laptop screen.  The semester was done and he was officially no longer Jared’s student.  He was free.

             He shoved his belongings into his messenger bag and hastily exited the library.  He jogged across campus, skidding on patches of ice in the sidewalk and bumping into strangers.  He was winded by the time he reached Jared’s office door.  He knocked on it frantically, doubled over and gasping for air as he waited for Jared to respond.

             The door finally swung open and there stood Jared in that same faint backlit glow from the first time Richard sat in his office.

             “Oh, Richard, do you need medical attendan—mmph!”  He didn’t have a chance to finish his query before Richard pressed him against the wall, kissing him with purpose.

             Jared frantically pushed at Richard’s chest, willing him off.  “Richard, please, anyone could see us, what’re you doing?”

             Richard grinned up at him.  “I’m not your student anymore.”

             Jared blinked in confusion, uncertain of what he meant.

             “You submitted my grade, the class is over, _I’m not your student anymore_.”  He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, his tone full of nothing but sheer joy.

             It finally dawned on Jared what Richard was trying to get at and slow laughter bubbled up out of him.  “You’re not my student anymore.”  He clasped Richard’s hand in his own.  “You’re my boyfriend now.”

             Richard downright beamed at him, cheesy as it was, it was genuinely Jared to a fault and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He kissed him softer and more measured than before.  Richard didn’t have to rush it anymore, Jared was his.

 

-*-

 

            Once the initial afterglow dissipated, Richard wasn’t keen on the A- on his transcript but he wasn’t going to fight it.  He relentlessly teased Jared he did it out of self-preservation and fear of being caught.  (Jared wouldn’t admit it but that did sway his grading some.  _Some_.)

             Richard got more than he planned on out of his 8AM Calculus I class brimming with loathsome freshmen.  He got late nights coding away curled up on Jared’s couch like he dreamed.  What he didn’t expect were the forehead kisses and Jared nudging his cheek lovingly with his nose in attempt to wake him up and get him to a proper bed.  He got Jared smiling at him from the audience during graduation, enveloping him with hugs and words of praise at his accomplishment during the reception after.  Richard returned the favor at Jared’s own graduation ceremony a year later.

             Jared got everything he never thought possible:  someone who loved him unconditionally and wholeheartedly, someone who was interested in what he had to say, someone who saw the value of chasing your dreams and encouraged him to do the same.  He got the love, validation, and respect he sought after for so long.

             For Richard his university graduation wasn’t the somber or bittersweet memory he thought it would be.  He looked back on his senior year and remembered the frustration and overwhelming feelings which plagued him.  He also remembered that year gave him the greatest gift he ever received:  Jared.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently every time I enter a fandom I have to do a crossover math x fandom fic, hahaha. I should just write fanfiction about math honestly. No, but really though, I had such an absolute blast writing this piece and I hope it shows, this was ridiculously self-indulgent. I really loved building their relationship and it was a fun challenge to see if I could keep their characterizations the same in a different set of circumstances. Especially interesting since this is my longest piece to date by far!
> 
> Side note: Setting-wise, I imagine this takes place somewhere in New England like Maine or Vermont, thus the snow around late November.
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to check this out! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it and thank you for the feedback in whichever way you choose to leave it. :)


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